The Part of Filmmaking We Don’t Talk About
PLUS: West Coast Tour kicks off next week!
Jordan (Noel, our director) and I both immediately signed up for therapy after we finished making Guacamole Yesterdays.
Whenever I say this in Q&As, it always gets a laugh. But it’s also true. Not because the shoot was unusually hard (although it was — making any movie is), but because the ups and downs of the creative journey (if left unchecked) can slowly chip away at your mental health.
The filmmaking path (or fill-in-your-artistic-journey-here) is full of rejection, imposter syndrome, burnout, more rejection, comparison, self-doubt, and yet even more rejection!
I’ve been turned down literally hundreds (if not thousands) of times: festivals, grants, contests, reps, distributors, investors, you name it. And I try to remind myself: “It’s about the journey, not the destination.” “It’s worth it for just one person to connect with it.” “Maybe it’s just not their thing.” But if I’m honest with myself, it still stings. Every time.
Because Art Is Personal
The first thing I told my therapist in my very first session was, “When I’m not creating, I feel like I have no value.” We put so much of ourselves into our films, our scripts, our art, and when it’s met with silence or rejection, it can feel like we are being rejected.
In Guacamole Yesterdays, our two leads, Ames (a comic book artist) and Franklin (a stand-up comic), each deal with success and failure in their artistic careers, and the emotional fallout of both. We wanted the film to explore the weight it puts on relationships, on our health, on our sense of self.
And we rarely talk about it. Not honestly. Not in public. Maybe because it sounds like first-world problems (“oh, boo-hoo, you’re making f-ing movies!”). Maybe we’re afraid people will think we’re being negative or complain-y. Or maybe it’s just that filmmakers feel the need to always look successful, even when we’re barely holding it together.
After one of our screenings, a young writer responded to some advice I gave, saying, “That’s easy for you to say, you’re a successful filmmaker.” And my first thought was, wait, am I?
Redefining What “Success” Even Means
In a recent therapy session, I was talking about our tour, and my therapist asked, “What does success look like to you?” I thought about it and answered:
That audiences connect with the film.
That we find some level of commercial accomplishment.
That we help change the game for indie filmmakers, creating and testing a model for sustainability.
But I don’t actually control any of that. So, I try to focus on what I can control:
Building relationships and community.
Putting in the time to make the film the best it can be.
Doing all I can to get the word out.
Being a kind human being.
And hopefully all that adds up to… something, I keep my anxiety in check and stay sane(ish).
The cool part is, even with all this talk of the struggle, people have connected. The responses to this film have already blown me away. The level of personal ties people have, the stories we’ve heard, and their desire to want to share it with their friends and family. It’s everything I’ve ever dreamed.
I’m worried this all will sound too negative. Too self-pitying. Too… whatever. But that’s exactly why I’m writing it. Because if I feel this way, I know you likely do too.
This is why we make movies. This is why we put in the blood, sweat, tears, and therapy bills. To share our experiences with transparency.
To say, “you’re not alone.”
If You’re Struggling, We’re Right There With You
As part of our Guacamole Yesterdays tour, we’re highlighting three mental health resources for those of you who might want to dip a toe in:
Have insurance?
Alma connects you with therapists (virtual or in-person) covered by your insurance.
No insurance?
Open Path Collective offers affordable therapy starting at $30/session.
Need something free?
NerdHQ provides access to free therapy and mental health resources.
Upcoming Screenings
ATHENS, GA
Sat, June 7, 2025 | 8:00PM
Ciné
Q&A with Filmmakers + Stand-up Comedy w/ Miles Bunch
GET TICKETS
TUCSON, AZ
Mon, June 9, 2025 | 7:00PM
The Screening Room
Q&A with Filmmakers + Stand-up Comedy w/ Matt Ziemak
GET TICKETS
PHOENIX, AZ
Tues, June 10, 2025 | 7:00PM
Harkins Scottsdale 101 Theatre
Q&A with Filmmakers + Stand-up Comedy w/ Jackie Tinsley
GET TICKETS
SANTA ANA, CA
Wed, June 11, 2025 | 8:00PM
The Frida Cinema
Q&A with Filmmakers + Stand-up Comedy w/ Ryan Hill
GET TICKETS
LOS ANGELES, CA
Fri, June 13, 2025 | 7:00PM
Mubi Microcinema at Vidiots
Q&A with Filmmakers + Stand-up Comedy w/ Krystle Drew
GET TICKETS
AUSTIN, TX
Sat, June 21, 2025 | 7:00PM
Hyperreal Film Club
Q&A with Filmmakers
GET TICKETS
GET VIP TICKETS*
*VIP Ticket includes enamel pin & hand-numbered screen-printed poster.
🥑 Guacamole Yesterdays is a sci-fi romance that follows a heartbroken woman who, after a painful separation, turns to cutting-edge technology that lets her relive and reshape her memories in a quest for healing. Starring Randy Havens (Stranger Things), Sophie Edwards (This World Alone), and Adetinpo Thomas (Hawkeye).
🍿 In theaters now!
📺 Coming June 24 to Apple TV, Amazon, and Google TV.
Get tickets and find out more at GuacamoleYesterdays.com
Well said. Felt this. Cheers guys!
Thanks so much for this. I'm undertaking my first journey as a documentary filmmaker. I have yet to experience what you have but your emphasis on what drives you and what gives you satisfaction (need stronger word here as I feel it's much more to you) really speaks to me. A documentarian friend suggested I also document my journey making the film, especially since I'm making it with my kid. This has been just as impactful as actually making the film. Creating my audience from day one and getting amazing response has been another inspiration.