Are We Defined by Our Worst Mistakes?
How to respond when everything goes wrong on set.
While filming our new feature film, Guacamole Yesterdays, someone accidentally deleted a half-day's worth of footage. I know. I was furious too.
This was a jam-packed 14-day shoot, and every minute was meticulously scheduled. Two full scenes were lost. The set had already been torn down. An actor had been released and had to be called back. Dozens of people’s hard work was flushed down the drain. It was like spending hours on a term paper, almost finishing, and then having your computer crash… except multiplied by twenty.
Now would be a good time to mention… that "someone" was me.
I made the mistake of telling this story while speaking to a college class once, and during the Q&A, every single question was about how exactly I did that (and how they could avoid it).
As an indie film producer, you wear a lot of hats. On this shoot, one of my extra hats was backing up footage. I got some file names mixed up, it doesn’t really matter. Once I realized what happened, I got in my car, pouted (and meditated) for twenty minutes, and came back to get to work solving the problem.
Needless to say, I was devastated. Embarrassed. Angry. And it sticks with me.
“What do we do with the moments that define us?”
This is one of the questions that Guacamole Yesterdays attempts to explore. We give so much weight to embarrassing mistakes, regrets, and past traumas. Should we?
In a recent session, my therapist walked me through an exercise where I looked back at an embarrassing experience in my own life. One a little more serious than just deleting footage, and one that I felt like defined me. He had me close my eyes and envision that memory, but had me look at it as a third-party observer, like watching a movie.
What I saw wasn’t a failure. I saw someone hurting, doing the best they could. And in that moment, I felt something surprising: empathy. Forgiveness.
That’s what great films do too.
Our production company is called Mirror Box Films.
The name comes from a device invented by neurologist V.S. Ramachandran to help amputees relieve phantom limb pain. By using mirrors, patients could see a missing hand reflected back at them, and when they moved their existing hand, it tricked the brain into letting go of the pain.
Storytelling works the same way. When we see our own pain reflected honestly through art, it can help us heal.
In Guacamole Yesterdays, we explore how memories shape our identity. The characters’ journeys—through the ups and downs of romantic relationships and creative pursuits—are honest reflections of our own experiences.
After they split up (not a spoiler, this is how the movie starts), our lead character uses a new technology that allows her to revisit and tweak her memories in order to find healing.
The sci-fi device is fictional, but the idea is inspired by real science. Researchers have already manipulated the memories of mice!
It’s not the science that matters, though. It’s the metaphor.
What if it’s not our memories that shape us, but how we respond to them.
And all those self-defining memories? It turns out they may not be that reliable anyways.
As Malcolm Gladwell shares in an episode of Revisionist History, people’s recollections of 9/11 (written down at the time) were drastically different when revisited years later. So much so that those involved would say “that’s my handwriting but that’s not what happened.”
Memory is malleable. Fallible.
So if the past is already a moving target, why do we let our worst moments hold us hostage?
What if we chose to reframe and redefine them? What if we were able to look at ourselves with compassion, not judgment? How would that change how we interact with the world today?
For the record: We reshot the deleted scenes. We stayed on schedule and under budget.
And honestly? I love the new footage even more than the original.
Or, maybe that’s just me reframing the memory.
And maybe that’s the whole point.
(And no, they don’t let me near the backup drives anymore.)
—Hudson
🥑 Guacamole Yesterdays is a sci-fi romance that follows a heartbroken woman who, after a painful separation, turns to cutting-edge technology that lets her relive and reshape her memories in a quest for healing.
🍿 In theaters beginning May 1.
📺 On-demand on major streaming platforms starting June 24.
Get tickets and find out more at GuacamoleYesterdays.com